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literature by winkie77

II by AyeAye12

Free Literature. by xUnfortunate-Soulsx

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Submitted on
August 18, 2013
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80 (who?)
The total darkness blinks in a shower of sparks from the failing electrical lines and boxes on top of suspicious wooden poles. Suspicious indeed, because one of them falls over and a battle begins.

She is as shaky as the caricature of the shanty town this takes place in, shaky as long-term decisions, and the metal sheets her back is pressed against. Sometimes things catch moonlight and fire, and they glint off the metal. That’s where she sees blood fountain out of throats, bulky human forms falling into dirty water and others stepping over them. (These things can’t last very long.)

Something explodes a couple feet beside her - a foot and eight inches, she roughly calculates,  she flinches. One ear doesn’t seem to work anymore and a ringing headache settles into the action. She’s not going anywhere (but maybe she’s rethinking).

A funny turn of events mocks her situation and gives her a gun, somewhere in the shadows, and all she has to do is grab it and shoot some motherfuckers but is she going to do it or not?

She lunges forward, only to be knocked over.

This is surreal. About as real as the wings that sprout from her back. She’s on a cloud now. Quite literally, and she’s flying without a string on her back, the sky is a bit white, and this seems to be a place she knows.

Her fingers graze clouds. They snatch and place it in her mouth. Clouds do taste like candy floss. Or cotton candy? With a hint of polystyrene. Marshmallow cotton candy floss with a taste of polystyrene? She doesn’t really remember and she can’t really think right now, so. And she can’t hear in one ear. Right, the explosion.

Her hand finds the gun and by some accident, the masked shape on top of her has a hole through its neck. Good caliber gun, then.

Good sweets, too. Does rain taste like anything, maybe? Fog? Hail?

Searing brightness fills her eyelids for a second and blacks out, leaving blurry spots in her head. Someone else scrambles into her hidey-hole. The gun shoots itself.

Or was that the sound of a comet flashing by? Do comets make sounds? Space doesn’t have sound. She’s still in Earth’s atmosphere, isn’t she? But where is she?

She’s in the space shuttle. She’s feeling a bit light-hearted, literally, because the damn thing is crashing and she can’t fix anything that happens in her life, catching on fire like a fucking comet and she and everyone else is coming down with it. To be honest, what she regrets most right now is becoming an astronaut in the first place, not because the oxygen tank is out of reach and the air pressure is rising in the cabin, but because she never got to enjoy her self. Honestly, she just wanted to work with the media, was that too much to ask?

A gunshot rings out and she kind of suspects she, too, has just sustained a hole through her  clavicles or bashed through her cheekbones and nose, where it would kill her soon as its fragments fell into her brain or whatever. She kind of forgot how these things work, forgot any meaning of the lectures whatsoever. Space dementia. Oh, but the bullet never hit face. Her hair turned blew off her head beside her. A bit of a misleading phrase right now, but she really doesn’t know what’s going on. She never really liked that part of her mother, being so misleading. Stars and planets could be misleading, too, but never like her mother.

She feels like she’s falling into the stars, but she knows she only has a minute or so of consciousness before she loses consciousness forever a couple minutes later. Forever and blackness beyond.

Why don’t you kill me now? You make me want to do. Why do I destroy myself for you?

That summer at the...

Things drag at the eyelids, oh how they want to pop. Right, air pressure, too. And she’ll die in three,



One more millisecond moment, and she stops existing forever. Nothing is afterward. She’s falling in a black hole, Sagittarius A or some other bloody bastard in the galaxies, or the hole that’s opened in her stomach, gaping bright red from arterial blood and melting into the fire of the berserk shuttle.

And nothing. This shouldn’t carry on so long. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

Nothing shouldn’t be here. Or rather, nothing should be here. Why is it here?

Why are there words against white, a strange consciousness in the unconsciousness (like lost radio transmissions)?

There is no afterlife

You die in black holes

Then what is this?

… ? space dementia … ? stars in her eyes, she has stars in her eyes and her fourth grade teacher scolded her for lack of punctuation, capitalization... She was certain she left the food on the table, certain. Why did no one else believe her? Certainly.
Based on the prompt 'space dementia'. Open to interpretation. ^_^

Please critique, no matter how long or short. Or just leave a comment.
Some questions you can answer:
- Was it too confusing? It's supposed to be confusing, but does is it annoying or too unclear?
- How were the brief action sequences?
- What mood did you get from it?
- How do you interpret the piece? It can be as vague or gut-feeling as you like.

For the Written Revolution:…
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Daily Deviation

Given 2014-02-11
innercartwheel takes readers on an intense ride in Space Dementia. ( Suggested by DeriveAnemone and Featured by neurotype )
WingDiamond Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2014
:iconrenhoekplz::iconsaysplz: SPACE MADDNESS! 
Hong-Kong-Kitty Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2014  Hobbyist Writer

Congratulations on your Daily Deviation!

Honestly, I felt strangely peaceful after reading it. As if I really had died and left the earth and all existence.

For that I praise your skills as a writer as well!

DreamForecast Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2014
Yeah, totally the feels!
TruthisTruth Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Congratulations on the Daily Deviation! :clap:
Celtic-Lily Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2014
It was confusing, but in a good way, a way that makes you stop and think about all the interpretations. The action was just as chaotic and fast-paced as I imagine it would be in real life- it felt much more realistic than the type with calm, collected heroes doing cool, heroic and utterly impossible stunts. Not entirely sure what mood I got from it- a mixture of the adrenalin and confusion of battle, regret, fear, bitter resignation, and a dream-like daze, I think. Depends which part.
Interpretation... well. It could be about the mind trying to deal with the trauma of fighting, killing, and fatal injury by escaping into confused imagination and memories. That's the interpretation I prefer, I think. Then again, of course, there are other interpretations- An astronaut floating in and out of consciousness as she dies, for example. Or perhaps the entire thing is after death, and it is all just a strange mixture of unrelated thoughts and memories as whatever remains of her consciousness flickers through the only things it knows?
Generally, I thought it was fantastic :)
lintu47 Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Congrats on the DD! :dalove:
Have a nice day! :party:
rafun1312 Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
At the part of "Clouds do taste like candy floss. Or cotton candy? With a hint of polystyrene" I was totally convinced that she propably survived whatever hell she went through, and is in some sort of medical care, probably under some sort of medication. At that point, the whole thing made sense to me - maybe more sense than you actually intended. It's still what I interpret into the piece, especially with her not dying at the end, even when she expects to. After reading it a second time I wanted there to be some hint in the end whether my interpretion is right or wrong, but after a third reading I'm not actually sure anymore. It is confusing, and a little annoying, especially at the end when there's no solution to the puzzle, but because it's puzzling, it's also fascinating... 
I very much liked the action parts, the imagry there, the dream-like quality they have.
robson666 Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2014  Hobbyist
congratulations to the well deserved Daily Deviation Clap
DeriveAnemone Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I.. wow. I haven't read anything as gripping as this in a long while. It's the sort of piece which blows your mind and completely disorientates you and makes it incredibly difficult to try to describe what you have just felt.

- No. It's confusing, but in a good way. The style works brilliantly.
- Fast-paced and exciting.
- The mood felt really panicky and filled with adrenaline but also surprisingly calm at times, like when you're so freaked out you don't even feel anything.
- I interpreted it as being about an astronaut dying in space and sort of seeing her life flash before her eyes.
Rieal-Dragonsbane Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2013  Hobbyist Writer

I found the start disorientating and difficult to get into. Maybe you could have a start that eases the reader into the situation before going into the space dementia. There are many interesting images there, but I haven't worked out how they connect together.

My favourite line of this piece was Her hand finds the gun and by some accident, the masked shape on top of her has a hole through its neck.' The style of the sentence is as surreal as the rest of the story, but it's still clear what happened. Knowing what happened made me appreciate and enjoy the way you told it. But I wish I knew why these action sequences were happening.

The lack of reason for the action leads me to believe this is a vignette rather than a story. Is that what you intended? I'm not sure how to interpret it. At first I thought the main character was escaping a conflict, and then I thought she was trapped in one while falling to her death and then I wasn't sure if the conflict was real or hallucinated. I've just read the other comments, and it looks like not everyone was as confused as I was, so it may just be that I'm not the right audience for your piece ( ^^; ), but I'll leave the critique here in the hope that it'll be useful.
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